How Toxic Bosses Led Me to the Forest

A narcissistic boss drew me to forest therapy.

I’ve worked in fast-paced, stressful environments my whole life, from newsrooms and creative agencies to high-tech startups. I was constantly in survival mode, but I just assumed that’s what it felt like to have a career.

About a year ago, I became the third hire at a tiny financial tech startup. The founder talked me into joining, even though I warned him that the advertised role was too junior. I needed him to agree to a more expansive scope, one that would serve as the seedling for growing an entire marketing department. After 15+ years in various copywriting, content, strategy, and marketing roles, I thought this could be a great opportunity to help build something from the ground up, starting with a unique content strategy.

Fast forward, and I quickly realized this person was not someone I’d be able to thrive alongside, let alone work with at all. Anytime I pitched an idea, he’d say, “I have a better idea” (shocker: they were never better). He was a trained CPA, yet he insisted on creative directing every move I made, once beating his own personal record by adding 78 comments to a five-paragraph piece of work. He was constantly telling me, “I know what kind of person you are…” followed by a wildly incorrect and deeply offensive opinion. He accused me of being a “defensive person” whenever I walked him through a creative strategy. When I suggested we start using traditional creative briefs to keep projects on track, he refused to speak to me for a full day, choosing instead to record a video berating me for treating him badly and having no faith in his vision.

Anytime I was “clocked in,” I felt outside of my body, doing my best to rise to the challenge of finding a way to work with him while trying to keep everything compartmentalized.

But even with that effort, I’m sad to say that I lost myself. I questioned my years of deep experience, the accomplishments under my belt at Fortune 100 companies, and the public praise I’d received from well-known industry leaders.

I also realized that I’d spent so much of my career enduring toxic people; he was just the most obvious, in-your-face version of them.

Through all of it, I noticed a pattern: whenever I felt adrift, unwell, or ridden with anxiety, I always sought out nature. When I lived in San Francisco, it was spending weekends in Golden Gate Park or Mission Dolores, or vying for one of the hard-to-come-by camping spots in the North and East Bays.

As I endured this recent horrible dynamic, I spent every moment I could outside in my own backyard, which I am grateful to say is five forested acres in the Rocky Mountains.

It was there that I found myself again. I quickly reconnected with the magic of who I am, all the experiences I’ve had in my life, and how I needed to show up in the world.

It was there that I found my new purpose.

Forest bathing, forest therapy, shinrin-yoku, ecotherapy (whatever you want to call it) doesn’t magically erase your problems. I still work a 9-to-5 in marketing, and I still get frustrated, annoyed, and stressed out. But now, I don't just look for a way out; I have a way through.

And my new purpose is to help other people understand and connect with nature, so you can live in its wisdom and let it restore you.

I'm grateful that you are here.

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